the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
