So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
