The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
