So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
