the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
