you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
