Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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