how do flat chested girls get laid?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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