I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize