i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
