i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
