so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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