i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
