haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
