By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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