i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize