i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
