Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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