If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
