I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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