I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
