You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
