i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
