At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
