Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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