You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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