He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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