The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
