One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
