don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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