Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
