Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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