this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
