I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
