I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
