She's JV to your varsity
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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