Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
