My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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