please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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