whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My hand turned me down
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
