found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
