i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
