I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
