I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
