Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ok first of all what the fuck
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
