I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
