Don't you send me to vm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
