She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
