like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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