I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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