I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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