last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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