dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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