He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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