I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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