I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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