bring money and cleavage
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
