You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
