I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize