Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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