Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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