Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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