I'm jealous of your bromance
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
