i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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