Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
