seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
