I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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