God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
