It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
