Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
