So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
