I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
