i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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