All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
