I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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