I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize