I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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