People in love make me want to vomit
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
