i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
