so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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