guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That accounts for only three of the penises
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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