I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
