Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
