he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
