Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
