Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
