i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
