Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
