Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
