Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
