How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
