There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sarcasm needs its own font
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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