Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
