i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
