We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
