I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
