I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
