Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

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(334): View more from Alabama

you're like a bully in the Christmas story

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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(631): View more from New York

im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

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(802): View more from Vermont

he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.

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