My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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