Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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