Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
