I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
